Just (Gorilla) Press Play - South Kongress Wrestlemania 31 Preview (Part 2)

Where the Big Boys Play button.

Just (Gorilla) Press Play - South Kongress Wrestlemania 31 Preview (Part 2) can be found here.

Icon vs. Guy who's wrestled a long time - Sting vs. Triple H

I have two buddies that try to tell me how great Sting is, like I didn't see Sting matches in the 1990s.  The best work Sting ever did was standing in the rafters and pointing his bat at the nWo.  Which isn't a shot - that shit was fire.  But some would have you believe Sting's last match was against Ric Flair in 2001 on the final Nitro.  Not so fast yo.  Sting was half stepping in TNA collecting big checks all through my adult life.  And Triple H - he's cool.  His in ring work since Wrestlemania 28 has been good to great just about any time out.  So what if i can't stand the guy on my television?  They've had 6 months plus to plan this match out, and both are protective over their legacies/ portrayals, so I think this match will be a welcome surprise.  And well... Sting HAS to win, right?  Triple H is over big footing guys he shouldn't, right? RIGHT?  Who the hell knows.  I'll roll with the special attraction, and not the guy I'll be changing the channel on for the foreseeable future.   Also, for you two, 50 and Josh... Sting isn't trash.  Often.  Winner - Sting

This Happened.  LOOK! LOOK! IT DID!

Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Title - Daniel Bryan v. Stardust v. R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler v. Dean Ambrose v. Luke Harper v. Wade Barrett (c)

It's been ten years since the first "Money in the Bank" ladder match.  The day I declared "SHELTON BENJAMIN IS THE FUTURE!!!" and was proven very, very wrong.  When you have a billion guys on the roster, and you don't want to downgrade all of them, this is what happens.  For reference, I've been on the Cody Rhodes bandwagon since Legacy, even before.  I've written words on words about just how great Daniel Bryan is.  Ambrose has a great upside as long as he isn't fighting in the gimmick of the week match against Bray Wyatt.  R-Truth, for all the, uh... acting... he does, gets credit for maintaining excellent physical condition, and maintaining a damn job all these years.  Luke Harper was hot toward the end of the Wyatt family run, has an amazing look, and looks like he can WIN A DAMN FIGHT.  Ziggler is a victim of his own bravado, but deserves more than he's been given, and Barret?  The champ?  HE AND THE NEXUS SHOULD HAVE BEATEN JOHN CENA BACK IN THE DAY AND I STILL FEEL A WAY ABOUT THAT BULLSH... sorry, got in my feelings a bit there.  For reasons I'll detail a bit later, I see Bryan winning this match, and returning a certain level of prestige to the IC Strap.  I think Stardust and Ziggler will have the standout performances though.  Winner - Daniel Bryan

There aren't enough flame emojis for the 'Dust Alternate uni.

Singles Match for the United States Title - John Cena v. Rusev (c) w/ Lana

I haven't been this excited for a John Cena match in 3 full years (when the Rock rightfully whooped that ass in Miami) and I'm genuinely hyped for this.  Rusev is great.  He's tough, he can move, his kicks look like they hurt, his promos seem genuine, he's imposing, even his "Russian Nationalist" gimmick seems believable because the disdain with which he speaks about America... he's not out there telling any old lie!  He's coming from a place of truth, just real enough to piss people off.  He hasn't been running through the competition like Goldberg's streak, but he takes the very best shots from his opponents, survives it, and finds ways to win.  He's just great to watch.  Lana, also, doesn't hurt the cause.  She's a great mouthpiece for him, with her tone, and inflections, and oh so tiny business suits.  John Cena is - what do you even have to say?  He puts on great performances in big matches.  His promos leading up to this have been serious in tone, WHICH IS ALL WE'VE EVER ASKED THE GUY TO DO!  The first match they had was just excellent, so I feel they'll go above and beyond here to give the people a show.  Cena kicks off his "award tour" by regaining the first singles title he put on his mantle, minus the played out spinner gimmick.  Winner - John Cena

America is trash, this is my lady, I'll mess you up.  Cool?

Now, I'm predicting both Bryan and Cena to win their matches, and titles, largely because of my main event prediction.  WWE is going to transition those titles from afterthoughts to the big deals, because of this...

May see this again, REAL soon...

Singles Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title - Roman Reigns v. Brock Lesnar (c) w/ Paul Heyman

Man, I see an ass kicking on the horizon.  I mean a shellacking.  Roman Reigns is going to catch the biggest fade of anyone ever.  I'm saying this, and I LIKE Roman Reigns.  Other than his trash ass promos, I like him in the ring.  I've gotten over the idea that a guy needs 50 moves to be great.  Just Look at Lesnar.  He hit John Cena with the same move 14 times at Summerslam, and no one with a shred of credibility complained!  Even if die-hard fans were more behind Reigns, Brock Lesnar is simply at the peak of his powers.  I never took issue with him showing up part time.  I watch Boxing.  I watch MMA.  I watch seasonal sports.  Seasonal shows.  There's something to be said for having to wait to see things.  Netflix binging is great,  but the anticipation that comes from delayed satisfaction... there's no replacing that.  So now that Brock has signed up for 3 more years, if he only shows up 12 times a year, I have no problem there, and I'm sure I'll enjoy each and every time.  My prediction is that Reigns is booed out the building, defeated handily, and Brock leaves Wrestlemania the best part time champ you could ask for.  The IC and US titles become big deals, with the roster chasing Cena/ Bryan, and those titles headlining the house shows/ TV events other than the ones Brock appears on.   Top to bottom, it's a pretty good card, and this year sure looks like a win for the WWE.  Winner - Brock Lesnar

Just (Gorilla) Press Play - South Kongress Wrestlemania 31 Preview (Part 1)

Time to play button the game

It's been awhile, but now seems like a fitting time to pick the keys back up and do a little writing.  It's just after SXSW, and days before the Texas Relays, so that means... to quote a certain wife of a certain video game music producer... it's WRESTLEMANIA!  This year's a bit different, as it's the first time we won't be attending the live event in a few years.  But, this gives me a better opportunity to watch this like I watch the rest of the shows.  I tend to get a bit lost, being around all those people, taking in all the different sights and sounds, so this year will feel a bit closer to home.  So, after all this prefacing, let's cover the card match by match, and try to get a feel for the winners, losers, and happenings of this year's event.

Hardest gang in Cana- I mean Swi- nvm.  These guys can go.

Fatal 4 Way for the WWE Tag Team Titles - New Day (Big E/ Kofi Kingston) v. Los Matadores v. The Usos v. Cesaro/Kidd (c) 

If nothing else, this is a great way to put some energy and athleticism into a show that, on the surface, seems to lack it.  All four of these teams are athletic, with the champs and New Day both having a nice mix of speed and power.  As competitors, I'm a fan of all four teams, even though I dislike the Los Matadores gimmick, and LOATHE the New Day gimmick (side note:  white folks chant "new day" ironically.... it's that bad) to the point that I can't actually CHEER the guys on.  The Usos are, to me, the "it" team right now.  The can move, their offense is believable, and they seem to really shine in pay-per-view matches.  I'd much prefer a standard tag match between them and the champs.  Tyson Kidd should be applauded for accepting a long term demotion to NXT, making guys look great, and making the most of his return to the main roster.  I hate seeing Cesaro slotted as anything other than a top tier singles guy,  but he's held his own as what I'd call the complimentary piece of that team.  I'm picking the champs to retain in a very fast paced, hard hitting match.  Winners - Cesaro/Kidd

"Just wait on it!" - Migos

Randy Orton v. Seth Rollins 

Seth Rollins is making the most of his opportunity as a major player in WWE.  Cliche as it sounds, I think it's the biggest compliment you can bestow on a guy.  He went from (by design) the third wheel in the hottest act in wrestling, to the top in ring heel in wresting almost seamlessly.  What more impressive is that he did this during the transition to long, drawn out promos that people would groan at in chat rooms and Facebook groups.  He was an indy darling, a minor league all star, and is now in position to have a major role in the world's largest wrestling promotion for years to come.  He put on size, adapted to WWE's in ring style, but kept enough on his athleticism to still stand out.  You believe he's a snake, but that if need be, he can hit you in the mouth hard enough to make it count.  Plus, a Jon Stewart co-sign doesn't hurt.  In many ways, he's what Randy Orton SHOULD be.  That's not to say Orton is bad by any stretch.  But I don't look at this match as Orton being the big star Rollins gets to test himself against.  This is the Rollins show, and he's almost at that level where, win or lose, he's going to come out looking stronger than before.  These two are so good in the ring, you know you'll see magic happen, hopefully it isn't lost in the shuffle of all the higher profile matches.  Going into a Mania match with the MITB briefcase, and the uncertainty in the main event (we'll get there) I see Rollins losing clean to a kind of returning conqueror Orton.  Winner - Randy Orton

Not a big fan... but them jerseys though...

AJ Lee/ Paige v. The Bellas 

I don't watch 'Total Divas'.  I watch PLENTY of terrible "unscripted" things, but that isn't one of them.  But I can say this - as the Bellas have gotten more famous, they've gotten SO MUCH BETTER in the ring.  Whether it's the new found attention, or the pressure of the NXT Women breathing down their necks, they've taken their craft way more seriously than before.  AJ and Paige?  You don't have to question their skill set at all.  With the show being as long as it is, you hope they get enough time to really go out and show what they can do.  AJ  jumped on twitter and told her bosses the truth about the world, and in my experience, that very rarely produces the desired results, so it's tough to pick her team to win.  However, eventually the Bellas have to lose, right?  They always seem to come out on top if for no other reason than to be more annoying the next go round.  So perhaps, to show there's no hard feelings (yeah right) the better team gets the nod.  Winners - AJ Lee/Paige

Andre hovering over MAD create-a-players

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal 

Cesaro won last year, and he's on the pre-show this year.  This won't get many words from me.  I hope Mark Henry eliminates a bunch of guys, Axel does something hilarious,  and the guy I'm picking to win has a good year after he wins.  Winner - Damien Sandow (Mizdow)

My finger being the 1, to signal the 1, in 21-1

Bray Wyatt v. The Undertaker 

I was in the building when Taker lost his first Wrestlemania match.  It was the largest crowd of silent people this side of Mecca.  I was pretty sure it was the very last time we'd be seeing the Undertaker in a WWE ring, and I was fine with the send off.  Now, he's back.  It all just seems so forced.  I dig Bryatt Wyatt as a character, as an athlete, as a performer.  He moves great for his size, has a great look, and just seems like he could mess you up if need be.  It's certainly a natural fit for the psychedelic cult preacher to want to take down the local immortal Specter.  It's just about a year too late.  There's really no reason to have the Undertaker lose this match, as starting a negative streak for a guy that is a special attraction lessens the special.  And Bray can talk that hot shit the very next day and have his mojo back.  Have to go with the Dead Man here.  Winner - The Undertaker 

Come back Friday, 3/27, for my picks in the IC Title Ladder Match, US Title Match, Icon vs. That One Guy Match, and the WWE World Heavyweight Title Match!