Just (Gorilla) Press Play - South Kongress Wrestlemania 31 Preview (Part 2)

Where the Big Boys Play button.

Just (Gorilla) Press Play - South Kongress Wrestlemania 31 Preview (Part 2) can be found here.

Icon vs. Guy who's wrestled a long time - Sting vs. Triple H

I have two buddies that try to tell me how great Sting is, like I didn't see Sting matches in the 1990s.  The best work Sting ever did was standing in the rafters and pointing his bat at the nWo.  Which isn't a shot - that shit was fire.  But some would have you believe Sting's last match was against Ric Flair in 2001 on the final Nitro.  Not so fast yo.  Sting was half stepping in TNA collecting big checks all through my adult life.  And Triple H - he's cool.  His in ring work since Wrestlemania 28 has been good to great just about any time out.  So what if i can't stand the guy on my television?  They've had 6 months plus to plan this match out, and both are protective over their legacies/ portrayals, so I think this match will be a welcome surprise.  And well... Sting HAS to win, right?  Triple H is over big footing guys he shouldn't, right? RIGHT?  Who the hell knows.  I'll roll with the special attraction, and not the guy I'll be changing the channel on for the foreseeable future.   Also, for you two, 50 and Josh... Sting isn't trash.  Often.  Winner - Sting

This Happened.  LOOK! LOOK! IT DID!

Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Title - Daniel Bryan v. Stardust v. R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler v. Dean Ambrose v. Luke Harper v. Wade Barrett (c)

It's been ten years since the first "Money in the Bank" ladder match.  The day I declared "SHELTON BENJAMIN IS THE FUTURE!!!" and was proven very, very wrong.  When you have a billion guys on the roster, and you don't want to downgrade all of them, this is what happens.  For reference, I've been on the Cody Rhodes bandwagon since Legacy, even before.  I've written words on words about just how great Daniel Bryan is.  Ambrose has a great upside as long as he isn't fighting in the gimmick of the week match against Bray Wyatt.  R-Truth, for all the, uh... acting... he does, gets credit for maintaining excellent physical condition, and maintaining a damn job all these years.  Luke Harper was hot toward the end of the Wyatt family run, has an amazing look, and looks like he can WIN A DAMN FIGHT.  Ziggler is a victim of his own bravado, but deserves more than he's been given, and Barret?  The champ?  HE AND THE NEXUS SHOULD HAVE BEATEN JOHN CENA BACK IN THE DAY AND I STILL FEEL A WAY ABOUT THAT BULLSH... sorry, got in my feelings a bit there.  For reasons I'll detail a bit later, I see Bryan winning this match, and returning a certain level of prestige to the IC Strap.  I think Stardust and Ziggler will have the standout performances though.  Winner - Daniel Bryan

There aren't enough flame emojis for the 'Dust Alternate uni.

Singles Match for the United States Title - John Cena v. Rusev (c) w/ Lana

I haven't been this excited for a John Cena match in 3 full years (when the Rock rightfully whooped that ass in Miami) and I'm genuinely hyped for this.  Rusev is great.  He's tough, he can move, his kicks look like they hurt, his promos seem genuine, he's imposing, even his "Russian Nationalist" gimmick seems believable because the disdain with which he speaks about America... he's not out there telling any old lie!  He's coming from a place of truth, just real enough to piss people off.  He hasn't been running through the competition like Goldberg's streak, but he takes the very best shots from his opponents, survives it, and finds ways to win.  He's just great to watch.  Lana, also, doesn't hurt the cause.  She's a great mouthpiece for him, with her tone, and inflections, and oh so tiny business suits.  John Cena is - what do you even have to say?  He puts on great performances in big matches.  His promos leading up to this have been serious in tone, WHICH IS ALL WE'VE EVER ASKED THE GUY TO DO!  The first match they had was just excellent, so I feel they'll go above and beyond here to give the people a show.  Cena kicks off his "award tour" by regaining the first singles title he put on his mantle, minus the played out spinner gimmick.  Winner - John Cena

America is trash, this is my lady, I'll mess you up.  Cool?

Now, I'm predicting both Bryan and Cena to win their matches, and titles, largely because of my main event prediction.  WWE is going to transition those titles from afterthoughts to the big deals, because of this...

May see this again, REAL soon...

Singles Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title - Roman Reigns v. Brock Lesnar (c) w/ Paul Heyman

Man, I see an ass kicking on the horizon.  I mean a shellacking.  Roman Reigns is going to catch the biggest fade of anyone ever.  I'm saying this, and I LIKE Roman Reigns.  Other than his trash ass promos, I like him in the ring.  I've gotten over the idea that a guy needs 50 moves to be great.  Just Look at Lesnar.  He hit John Cena with the same move 14 times at Summerslam, and no one with a shred of credibility complained!  Even if die-hard fans were more behind Reigns, Brock Lesnar is simply at the peak of his powers.  I never took issue with him showing up part time.  I watch Boxing.  I watch MMA.  I watch seasonal sports.  Seasonal shows.  There's something to be said for having to wait to see things.  Netflix binging is great,  but the anticipation that comes from delayed satisfaction... there's no replacing that.  So now that Brock has signed up for 3 more years, if he only shows up 12 times a year, I have no problem there, and I'm sure I'll enjoy each and every time.  My prediction is that Reigns is booed out the building, defeated handily, and Brock leaves Wrestlemania the best part time champ you could ask for.  The IC and US titles become big deals, with the roster chasing Cena/ Bryan, and those titles headlining the house shows/ TV events other than the ones Brock appears on.   Top to bottom, it's a pretty good card, and this year sure looks like a win for the WWE.  Winner - Brock Lesnar

The One Writing about the One in Twenty One and One - The South Kongress Summerslam Preview

 (a few things... this card would be better with the Usos on it... and I'm in that bad habit of listing the Champion before the Challenger, so sorry...)

Someone must've made a racially insensitive joke...

Brock Lesnar lives at the intersection of talent and clarity.  Dubbed in the early 2000's as WWE's next big thing, Lesnar was everything Vince McMahon could want - he was large, he was athletic, he looked like he could mess you up... and he really could, if he wanted to.  Former NCAA wrestling champion, his in ring skill would later translate to real fight success.  He deserves credit for not only making the transition to UFC, but putting new eyes on the sport.  Fast forward to 2012. Diverticulitis, or what I refer to as "the chronic bubble-guts", all but forced him out of the Octagon.  But now, he's more than just a former WWE champion - he rightfully holds the distinction as one of the toughest men in the entire world.  So when WWE comes calling, Brock says CUT THE DAMN CHECK, and they oblige.  He works for limited dates at a nice premium, because A) he can and B) he was never really a fan of the constant travel, or backstage politics that are tolerated by most wrestlers.  He made it far enough to be able to set his own rules, and that should be applauded.

WWE, for lack of a better term, is a cult.  The "WWE Universe" is a fancy way of saying "We want you to feel like we're all family, so you buy stuff."  Which is perfectly fine.  But when John Cena, poster boy for the company, was feuding with The Rock, who recently starred in a really cool movie, the crux of everything was that Cena was "always here", would "never leave" and always did what was best for the fans.  I say this as someone who spends his hard earned money (and my lady friend's hard earned money) on a Wrestlemania trip every year - FUCK THE FANS YO.  If your job, where you work, gave you these options -

1) make 100k/yr for working 52 weeks a year

2) make 100k/yr working 26 weeks a year

Which one would you take?  If you say 1, you either hate your family or have no friends.  Why would you work more for the same amount you can earn for working less?  But the WWE wants you to think that John Cena shows up to work every week out of the goodness of his heart.  He may very well love his job, but if they cut his pay in half, I guarantee that smile wouldn't be as wide.  I say more power to anyone that has leverage at their job.  Jobs aren't here to see you do well.  They want YOU to produce FOR THEM, and if you come out the other side better for it, then they're cool with it.  So when John Cena spews that "for the fans" rhetoric, then I see all those cars in his driveway, I pray for the day everyone else comes around.  Now, on to the matches.

Yup... for the love.  ONLY for the love.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins, Lumberjack Match

One of the best scenes from 'Belly' is where Bundy is high out of his mind at dinner with the two young thundercats that came up underneath him.  He challenges them to show who the man really is, which leads to one killing the other.  Morbid, I know.  Well Ambrose and Rollins are the closest things we have to "on the cusp" guys going at it on the big stage, much like these two at Summerslam back in '98.  No doubt the quality of the match will be good, even if some of the buildup has been pretty goofy.  I'll go with Rollins here, and the poor stipulation attached it just set up to backfire.  I would've preferred a cage match... but I always prefer a cage match.  Winner - Seth Rollins

The Miz (champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler, Intercontinental Title Match

Miz returned a few weeks back with some of that old dickhead charisma we loved so much.  Dolph is back in the role of hyper athletic babyface that's just SO CLOSE to breaking through.  I expect this to be really fun to watch.  I think Dolph gets the job done, and maybe even gets a shot at the big title in the next few months to... create movement... for the next champion.  Winner - Dolph Ziggler

AJ Lee (champion) vs. Paige, Divas Title Match

I've made no secret that I think the Trish Stratus/ Mickie James Wrestlemania 22 match was one spot away from being a classic, so I'm here for athletic women's wrestling.  I'm beating a dead horse here, but PORN EXISTS, SO I GET NOTHING FROM NON ATHLETIC, SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN WRESTLING POORLY.  But these two can really, really go.  I don't see any reason they can't continue this feud through the end of the year, so I think a very competitive match with the champion retaining will lead to another really good match at Night of Champions.  Winner - AJ Lee

SEE? WRESTLING!!!

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev, Flag Match

I'm not as down on Rusev as others are, and Lana... even though eye candy in the ring doesn't do much for me, mean women in business suits do, so seeing her is always a bonus.  Swagger's turn, I'm ok with it.  I like Rusev's power moves, I like Swagger's offense, this should be ok.  Still don't know if Swagger's the guy to put Rusev in his place though.  Winner - Rusev

Mother. ##@^#*$.  Russia.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho keeps on saving us.  He may wrestle, and at a high level, for the rest of forever.  He's Old Manitoba River.  This time around, he's here to help Bray Wyatt along, much in the way Cena did (NO SHADE, NO SHADE, I WON'T THROW IT) a few months back.  With the stipulation being The Wyatt Family is barred from ringside, I still expect Bray to get the job done.  He's poised to be one of the top heels around over the next few years, and soundly beating an institution like Y2J will solidify that spot for him.  I expect a very good match.  Winner - Bray Wyatt

Old reliable.  Old, athletic, entertaining, awesome reliable.

Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella

I've seen 'Scarface' more times than I can count.  Do you want to know the best way to watch 'Scarface'?  cut the movie off right when Tony gets the tiger.  Just stop it there.  You'll have a smile on your face the rest of the day.  Why see it all fall apart if you don't have to?  I wish someone would've given this angle the 'Scarface Lite' treatment a few weeks back.  It devolved into something very TNA-esque, and that really sapped all my interest from it.  Also - Stephanie McMahon is way better than she was a year ago.  I could still go the rest on my life never seeing her on my television and being happier because of it.  As far as match quality, she looks like she's taking her training pretty seriously, at least from an aesthetic standpoint, and both Bella's have come along in their ring progress.  Could be ok.  Winner - eh...

.... AAAAAND CUT!

Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton

Aside from his first title win, or that Wrestlemania where they chose the wrong final match for the show, I think this is the biggest match of Randy Orton's career.  There's no doubt it's the biggest for Roman Reigns.  But as far as Orton goes, I think it's safe to say he's as big as he's ever going to get.  Whether it was the force that is John Cena, whether is was the time he took a shit in that lady's bag, whether it was suspensions, whatever, Randy Orton hopefully will be able to say he made it through wrestling with his health and his money, even if he isn't a household name (and to be fair, he's still one of the biggest names in the last decade). So now he's at that point where it's on him to make the next generation look good, to well, not pass the torch, but to accept he's not running that first corner, or the anchor, on that 4 x1 team.  Roman Reigns has some things really going for him.  One, my girlfriend won't stop looking at the guy.  He's got a great look, a great pedigree, charisma, and the people respond to him.  He may also be a bit overexposed.  His offense doesn't match his athleticism at this point.  His moveset is LJN, not AKI just yet.  Monday, I thought his intonations really took away from the tough image they want him to have.  All that said, I'm along for the ride with this guy.  Hopefully, a talent like Orton can use this opportunity to help him get to that next level.  I'm hoping we get a very physical, hard fought, CLOSE match up.  Winner - Roman Reigns

Fae's about to start swooning right now, and she O.E.N.O it.

John Cena (champion) vs. Brock Lesnar - WWE World Heavyweight Title Match

Just because John Cena is the Cornball Gawd doesn't mean I don't enjoy his matches.  He's a talent, he's a master at pacing, he gets the most out of his opponents.  He voluntarily took the ass whooping of a lifetime at Extreme Rules 2012.  That took guts.  I don't expect this to be the same beatdown, and I don't expect the same results.  Brock is coming in with his 'Here Comes the Pain' physique or ratings, but I fully expect him to pull out a few old tricks in the vein of suplexes and holds he hasn't really used since his return.  Cena will probably get to toss Brock around some as well.  This won't be that Summerslam '02 when a young Brock sent a seasoned Rock packing I don't think. But I do expect Cena to be a bloody mess, for Lesnar to win the title, and for Paul Heyman to talk the hottest shit this side of a Damon Dash YouTube video.  Also, I'm gonna troll you Josh.  You know who you are.  Get ready to be trolled!!!! TROLLED!!!!!!!!!! Winner - Brock Lesnar

 

 

 

I expect this, but for the low price of $9.99!

 

 

 

  WWE Summerslam is this Sunday at 8pm ET. on the WWE Network.

Scandal, Mojoworld and Mortal Kombat - Multiple Relationships Part 3

(Editor's Note - This was my first attempt at a 3 person interview.  My words (C) will be in normal type, Miles' (M) in bold, and Anthony's (A) in italics.  Also - I recommend a Snickers and a Cigarette.  This was interesting.  Parts 1 and 2 can be found here and here.)

C: so let's have at it - first off... you all are the first men I’ve talked to during "multiple relationships week"

M: I'll try to keep things as succinct as possible.

C: so I’ll ask - what’s your take on what the women have said?

M: Surely you'll need to extend it a bit? This can't be constrained to one week.

C: hahahahahhahhahaha you may be right

A: I think the women who have spoke have spoke a somewhat good game.

M: Well, the one chick that was staunch in her beliefs? I felt like MAYBE she gave herself just a tad bit more credit. The theme of all the interviews has been the same though: "To each his or her own."

A: They say what they THINK they want but if a nigga is honestly that true and real about what he wants 9/10 you not fucking with 'em.

M: Which I dig. We're only hearing one side of a multi-faceted "issue" though. Why aren't they okay with admitting they've been a side?

Probably because they don't know they've been a side, in some cases. 😳

C: I wonder what that rate is.  now, the first young lady I talked to, I couldn't really say.  the second, I'd say she hasn’t been because I’m familiar with her history, and the length of their relationship

M: Whatever the case, they gave good perspective, it was just skewed.

A: I respect both the ladies views but could they really say they'd be okay being the side piece if the guy told them he got a main.

C: so let's look at the other side - well, #2 certainly not #1, almost certainly not. again, limited knowledge as a matter of fact, I’ll rule #1 out too, knowing her family.

M: Swag her out then.

C: amen.

A: Preach.

C: now - as of Wednesday, no sides wanted to be interviewed.

why do you all think this is?

A: Because they don't want to be known as a side.

This week, the sides were somewhere with this guy...

  

M: Not to disparage them, but every woman has the capacity to be a side. It just has to be for the right dude.  Well, "LHH:ATL" and shows of that ilk.

C: now, they don't want ME to know, or THE WORLD to know? because confidentiality was clear

M: Follow me now: The shows make it seem like a lot of these women are stone cold idiots. I've known college educated, upwardly mobile women to be sides. Some (read: most) are even cool with it.

C: I’m familiar with a few people of that same ilk.

A: As am I.

M: In addition, it begs the gender-equality question. How come I'll get high fives and pounds, but a girl catches that scarlet letter?

C: well let's ask this then - can a man truly be a side?

M: That's why I try to live in a judge free zone. Society might tell you you're a hoe baby, but society doesn't dictate OUR relationship. Yes, they most certainly can.  I can, and have been.

A: Of course a man can be.

C: now, I'd ask, are you really a side without the capacity to want to elevate your status?

M: Here's the caveat though: I have some sociopathic tendencies, and very little regards for peoples' feelings. That said, I've never went buck wild and tried to get with a woman that had me as a side. In most instances, I would PREFER to be the side.

C: ok, I get that.

A: These married women out here who just want them to give them something there husband can't is known as a side...to me.

C: also makes sense.

A: Unless, the vaginal is that great most are going to make it as a tally mark and a fuck.

Others are going to take it as "THEIR" pussy after the first time.

C: #savagelife

M: That's an interesting question. The way I see it, you absolutely can, because I try to live in a black+white world. Dig this: You can still be a side dude (splackavellie for all you 80's babies) without wanting to elevate your status. That elevation is extra. That's for the women and the estrogenally-advanced men out there. The good reverend Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson once preached to the congregation "Know your role and shut your mouth." I fully adhere to that. What you have with your man is none of my business. Also, I don't care to make it my business. Also, I don't care about you, you're strictly for carnal pleasure.

Wise words from a decent man.

A: Yes!  I've been a product of the side piece. Her husband found his fix in fishing rather than his wife's vagina.

M: R&B music and television and romance novels are the reasons sides don't know their place. It's really similar to the caste systems of old. Stay in your lane. I'll call on you when necessary, or she'll call on me when necessary.  Don't get it twisted though, I'm not attacking R&B music. I loves it.

A: I was over there every weekend doing what he should've been. No feelings were ever involved.

This went on for seven months.

M: Also, I'm aware "estrogenally" is not a real word, but readers, you get what I mean. Basically, weak men.

C: wow.  all good stuff.  so, if I tell you all that a show like 'Scandal' is blurring the lines of right and wrong, you would say...

M: You're absolutely correct. So many women ride for Liv, but they're watching the show with rose-tinted lenses. We shan't forget that she is the president's side piece in that show. "So? She's so powerful! She gets things done!" You're right, but why can't she find her own man? Double edged sword! Ha ha.

A: It absolutely is! Her independence is what draws and attracts women.

M: Let me recant that first sentence. I don't think it's blurring the lines. I think it's a candid look at sides. They're not always weak. People from all walks of life can be victims of circumstance.

C: fair

A: The fact that she is having an affair with the president makes women think twice.  Kinda like it's okay.

C: so does a man's status determine how many women he's allowed to have? or how acceptable multiple women is?

M: There's still very clear sides of the coin, but now women and pussy men are forced to listen to the argument for the strong sides, and not the women who are constantly stepped on and don't stand up for themselves.  No, it does not. I'm nowhere near the president, and Barnum and Bailey were calling me about how well I juggle.

C: ha!

M: Deep down, I don't think those women believe it's acceptable, I just think it's shattering their previous views of sides, and the novelty hasn't worn off.

A: I believe so. I got have billions of dollars and go into the strip. But let a Kyle lee go in there the females would flock more to him because he's city known.

*could

M: Now that the season is over, you can ask a woman, and the responses might be more spread over the spectrum, but more will admit that she's "wrong" than would during the season.

C: in you all’s experience, what’s the reaction to a main discovering a side - both to their partner, and to the other woman.

A: It's never been good for me. I can tell the side she is not nor will be my main and she'll claim that's fine.  The moment I'm out with my main and the side happens to be present, oh, she's going to make herself known.

C: ouch.

A: They don't want to look like an ass being dissed

M: Shit. That's a tough spot! I don't mean to get racist...Wait, yes I do, but it's not designed to offend.  SOME women are cool with it after explanation. Most of those women are white women. Some Hispanic chicks will try to kill your dog and get your scholarships taken away. Ha ha. That's not from personal experience, and is hyperbole, but you know what I mean. The problem is a lot of niggas don't know how to massage a situation. I have this wild ability to know the exact right thing to say to people at the right time. It's almost uncanny. So while it's never "okay," I don't get anything wild happening.

Like he wrote, it's never been "good" for me, but most of the time, it's never been "bad" either.

C: so you're essentially longshot dating in Mojoworld.

M: Essentially.

C: (reminds self to use a pic of longshot in the post)

M: Make sure Mojo or Spiral is in the background.

My guess?  He's pointing to the jig.

 C: now, as far as men go, what's that interaction like.  you ever have to dap up a husband/ boyfriend in the flesh?

M: Yes, but luckily not one that knew. I try to avoid actually fiving them or giving dap though. That's trifling.

A: Yes, I have. He actually was a family friend.

M: For me, though, a lot of that is preempted by the virtue that I try not to knowingly fuck with a girl that's messing with someone I know. Also, I try not to know who her main is. Remember, I don't care about alladat. You want me to enter you, cool. I don't want to know your life.

C: hahahahahahahaha this is going to have... interesting responses.

so here's the question - why?  not why do men cheat, cuz um... not going there.

but why carry on multiple relationships?

M: 1) Sometimes it is fun
2) It is not as difficult as people would have you believe
3) Sometimes one makes up for deficiencies of another (that you have ALREADY tried to work on)
4) Financial gain (my personal favorite)

There are other reasons, but they're fringe reasons. Typically #3 is the reason, for most dudes at least.

A: I have the same responses as Miles.  Adding get your marks off. See who can do what.  Every women can do something better than another. My opinion. No matter how bad or ugly she is.

C: heavy.

A: No matter if she's the main or the side.

C: well yeah, the reactions to this well be... uh oh.  So, anything you all want to say in closing?  Any advice for the road?

A: No true closing advice.

C: noted.

M: If men and women would be clear from the jump, a lot of this wouldn't happen. I'm not condoning it, but what's okay for me doesn't have to be okay for the next man or woman.

Catch me at @afrikaantastic on Twitter. Ha ha.

A: No matter how clear one is the other will never feel the same.  Point blank.

Follow Miles (@afrikaantastic) on Twitter

Follow Anthony (@topflite210) on Twitter