Editor's Note - This week, I'm talking to men and women about side relationships, how they work, how they fall apart, and really how they view them in general.
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Me: now here's why your interesting (and i guess we're off and running now) you date an entertainer. I actually had lunch with him and a few guys years ago, back when i dabbled in music. really nice guy
A:
Did you really?! Small world
lol very. so ok, what's your take on people having more
than one actual partner
not just a sex thing, but someone
they spend time with
Well
1-to each his own, you know? It's when folks lie about it that it becomes an
issue.
&
about me dating an entertainer it gets hard bcuz he's faithful & I trust
him but there's a lot of females who don't respect that at all. & I
guess that goes both ways. Dudes try to get at me too knowing I have a man.
ok, so in a situation where its
understood, you don't really take issue with it?
It's
definitely NOT understood in my relationship.
me: hahahahaha i gotcha
Oh
wait retract last statement
which one?
About
in my relationship it's not understood. I thought you asked about MY
relationship. Ok but if everything is in the open then so be it. I'm older I
guess so what you eat don't make me shit. If that's what folks wanna do, then
do it. If the side piece knows her place & the main knows hers then no
biggie. It gets hard tho when they're doin shit behind ur back & can also
get messy.
Sorry!!!!
Long response lol
no, that's perfectly ok, and yeah,
i'm asking about both to a point. So whenever I think about someone
dating an entertainer, I think about the Sammy Davis Jr. story - are you
familiar with what he told his wife when they got married?
No
tell me
ok, so Sammy Davis, world famous
entertainer, gets married. Tells his wife how much he loves her
then explains to her, and this is me
paraphrasing "honey, I love you. But you need to understand I'm
never going to spend the night alone."
now of course, that isn't everyone'
but it's interesting, in that, like
you said, the communication was there, so it was less of an issue.
Yeah
if you cool w that then fine. But let me know! Like don't make that choice for
me. Let me know so I can say yes I wanna be a part of that or no I don't.
Honestly it'll probably be the latter for me. But I don't judge those who can
do it.
A
lot of ppl look down on side pieces...
you know, they do, but here's
something I've found - there are people, women in my experience, that prefer
that position
that based on past experiences, only
was the "Good" parts of a relationship
now, I'm kind of keeping my opinions
to myself on purpose
but do you think that's really how
they feel, or a cop out?
I
think it's a lifestyle that everyone has to be ok with. & this day n age
I'm not sure if ppl can even be monogamous. That's a good question!!!! Bcuz yes
definitely it COULD be a cop out. 1-it's easier to suppress feelings, to
"only" fuck dudes & feel like you're in control. But at the end
of the day, you don't feel good about yourself, you want someone to be there
for you. Ain't that much "independence" in the works. It's hard to be vulnerable for love. To be
loved & receive love is hard for so many people. So they accept a position
as a side piece so they don't have to do that. But most women end up catching
feelings. & it gets messy eventually.
I
meant ain't that much independence in the world lol. My bad
no i dig. so you talked about
monogamy being a struggle in the present day. what do you think
contributes to that? If i had to put the "blame" anywhere, I'd
say people are more visible and accessible.
Yes!
I actually typed that & deleted it.
like, i'm on instagram, everyone is. so i can literally, without hassle, find
beautiful women
local beautiful women
Yes!
they can find me
&
they're accessible
Exactly!
it's not - it's easy to mess up now.
You
have to be a strong minded person to resist a half naked woman who is coming on
to you via social media or vice versa.
yup. very strong lol
As
humans, one of our most basic needs is validation from others. It just is.
& even if you get all the attention at home, if someone else starts telling
you what you wanna hear, you eat it up!
like pac man. or nibbler from
futurama.
The
trick is to not even go there on the first place.
that's the key, i agree.
Lmao
seriously. Don't let no one tell me I'm cute on a day I'm fussin w my man
hahahahahahahaha now see, that's the
other part of access, and in a way it plays into the whole side piece deal.
a side exists to reintroduce feelings you aren't getting I think.
Probably
so. But if you were communicating w your partner, you wouldn't have those
issues. Or maybe you would if they just don't understand you.
me: yup, communication
is key.
Well
I guess, what is the definition of side piece tho?
me: to me? I'd say
he/ she is the person that "knows your situation"
that knows your relationship and
responsibilities.
Do
you have to bone to be a side piece?
and just wants a cut of what they
see you offering somewhere else lol bone. um... i think so.
So
what is it when you're just getting inappropriate texts/tweets/IG comments?
me: uh... uncomfortable lol
(This
actually happened recently w me)
i've been lucky enough not to have
to answer for any "tweets" or "likes"
Lol!
I don't mean just you but in general
me: ok, so you got
comments or he did?
He
made comments on someone's IG.
On
a known groupie, mind you. On cleavage shots, mind you. >:-(
oh. now, without detail - was
it a compliment, or was it outrageous? cuz i mean - i made it clear early on in
my relationship - i'm probably gonna look hard at a big butt if one passes. same
on IG
In
my opinion it was outrageous as a man in a committed relationship.
i dig
I
don't mind looking. Honestly. I used to but his mom sat me down & told me
"now, eyes are made for lookin honey" lol
nice lol
So
if it was just likes then whatever. But damn. All the extra comments?!
totally get that. the above
and beyond, probably not necessary. so let's end on this - you're in a
relationship now. If you find out your significant other has another
woman fully aware of you, what do you say to him, and what (if anything) do you
say to her?
Good
question. (long pause) Honestly probably nothing to the woman. Because I'm not
in the relationship w her. & to him I guess I gotta bounce. Bcuz I'm not ok
with cheating. & when that trust is broken is something hard to get back.
It just leads to more cheating on either end & opens too many doors. He
made his choice to do that & that's fine but I don't have to be ok w it in
my life. So just bounce. I'm not about the drama. I'll probably tweet through
the pain lol & concentrate on being a better me.
makes perfect sense. thanks
for your time.
No
doubt
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