Jogging Past The Heauxs - Love & Hip-Hop ATL Review (part 1)

So it's back.  It's been a long time, but that weekly dose of bad acting, fictional situations and all around jackassery has resurfaced.  It's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, one of the cornerstones of Mona Scott Young's "let's exploit these clowns" reality TV empire.  Chances are you've seen the show before, so let's not do too much backtracking.  Here's what you need to know - Stevie J is a womanizer, and has been for a REALLY long time, and the other men on the show are the same, to a lesser degree.  The women spend the majority of their time being aloof, or fighting with one another.  Also - Lil Scrappy has an overbearing mother.  So let's get to it.

Stevie J - Karmaloop GAWD.

Stevie J married Joseline.  And bought a big ass crib.  That he calls the White House, because it makes him feel presidential.  Yeah.  Now, the key plot point they wanted to get across was that they didn't have a "big" wedding, they got married in a court house.  But Joseline, always looking for a chance to showcase her... whatever she does, pushes for a big ceremony, and somehow, using his Pimp Jedi Mind Tricks, Stevie convinces her that a joint birthday party is celebration enough for the time being. So for a relationship based on lies and money, they seem to be about as happy as can be.

You won't like her when she's angry bruh.

Kirk and Rasheeda, the manager/ rapper married couple in the story where FUCKING BOBBY VALENTINO plays devil's advocate, welcomed (kirk's 6th) child into the world, and while they aren't all the way together, they are jointly raising their child.  In the same house.  Where they have to look at each other all the time.  Truthfully, I think the whole infidelity thing was fraud from jump street, and a way for them to maintain their status on the show.  It did provide a moment where Rasheeda's mother ran over Kirks motorcycle, so I guess it's all worth it.

"I don't eem really wanna be here man."

Now we get to Mimi, to whom i owe credit for helping me produce our most read, most discussed blog to date.  She left off last season saying she'd do what she could to be a great example for her daughter, Eva.  Then sometime between then and the premiere,  so was riding a guy while holding onto a shower rod in a film produced by the largest pornographic company in the world.  So there's that.  She is still with said guy Nikko, who produced a bunch of songs you never heard of.  She makes it a point to tell us she's currently having the best sex of her life.  It's like when your friends tell you about a restaurant they love to death while y'all are at another restaurant.  If that's really how they felt... anyway, they hammer home that they've been making sex tapes.  HAMMER.  If you had any doubt that sex tapes were going to be a plot device, rest assured, that's going to happen and happen a whole lot.

#neverforget

Now we get to the new cast members. The fresh couple on the show are Wacka Flocka Flame and his girlfriend Tammy, an aspiring R&B artist.  Wacka is one of my favorite artists to listen to, not just his music, but also interviews.  Really comes across as someone that isn't afraid to speak his mind.  Their issue?  Wacka was ON THESE HEAUXS BRUH.  FOR YEARS AND YEARS.  And she's hoping that's changed.  Yeah, we'll see.

This probably sounded better in his head.

Scrappy, who made some quality songs back when I was young college Cam, has a new girlfriend, Bambi.  While this was happening, I was in a group chat, and sitting next to my girl.  Immediately all the women in the chat and my girl commented on all the things they didn't like aesthetically about Bambi.  Scrappy seems to evoke these emotions in women i know.  The blind rage seemed to make them forget that she was 1) from 'Basketball Wives LA' and 2) in the hot tub when Kirk was getting "turnt up".  Anyway, they are playing basketball, and Bambi, like all the other women that date men with bad histories, wants to know where they stand.  Scrappy explains his level of monogamy by saying he's "jogging past the heauxs", to which she replies "you need to be sprinting."  Here's hoping he sprains an ankle.


So that's the setup - in part 2, we'll talk about the things that started to materialize.