I typically get a haircut every week. Maybe it's vanity, maybe is insecurity, maybe it's routine, but every Wednesday morning before work, There are two barbers in the shop I go to - they attend church together, and have a strict "no cursing" policy in place. The TV is typically on one of three Channels - whatever network the Super funny lady that preaches with the short cut is on, Headline News because
Robin Meade is fine, or ESPN. The talk is typically tame - it's sports, it's TV/ movies, and at time, relationships. This all came to a head last week, when one of the barbers asked if I had seen Michael Sam kiss his boyfriend after he was drafted. Sometimes, by the way someone asks a question, you already have a feel for their opinion. I told him flat out, "it was fine." He paused, then asked why I thought it was ok. I told him that it's just a guy kissing a guy, happens every day, the only difference is it happened on TV. that's it. What that led to was a legit hour of debate, ranging from religion to decency to children. It was uncomfortable, frustrating, and at times enlightening.
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| Appropriately, Sam seems to have a permanent "you mad?" face. |
His main point was that homosexuality was, in his words, and abomination. It's unnatural for two men or two women to want to be together, because it goes against our natural instinct to procreate. You know what? That's fine. But that also makes it sound like the rest of us are having kids. I asked him what that says about celibate people that choose not to have sex, or even people that have recreational sex, but choose not to reproduce. His response? That it's a personal choice, and it's different from homosexuality. I didn't really see the point, but that's fine, I guess. He said our bodies weren't meant to for homosexuality, and that it's clear in our design that's not what was intended. It's interesting - the two of us being tattooed, pork eating Americans in Polo and Nike shoes discussing the things our bodies were intended for. But again, it's not that his point weren't valid, just not all encompassing.
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| The Last Temptation - word to Ja Rule. |
This went back and forth for awhile, until we got to what I think was the real crux of the issue (a running theme of my writing in particular) communication. He proceeded to tell me a story about his youngest son, and how a run in with a classmate caused him confusion. His son was trying to physically explain one of his classmates. "Dad, she has long hair!" he kept telling him, and his father couldn't find out why he kept saying that till he dropped him off one day and saw what he was trying to rationalize - it was a boy who wore his fair long in the vein of a girl that age. Circling back to the Michael Sam kiss, he made it clear that things like this confuse children, and on top of that, is hard for a parent to explain to a child without causing some type of damage. Here's where it went a bit off the rails: He said that homosexuality was caused by a child experiencing sex before they are mature enough to process it mentally. Now, there will always be a divide between people who think homosexuality is learned, and the people who think homosexuality is genetic, or inherent. But to say that some type of sexual misconduct, or sexual episode is what triggers it, to me, isn't only fantastic, but very unsympathetic and callous.
We talked a bit about religion, because we both identify as Christians. Now (because my mother might read this) I do consider myself a Christian, but I can also say the exploits of heterosexual men and women that identify the same way are one of the reasons I don't frequent church. But church and I are for another time. He asked if I believe God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, and i said sure, because some of that stuff in the Bible happened probably maybe. But it's awful convenient to condemn homosexuality, and look at other things considered indiscretions as "Every day life". Again, we looped around to sports. I asked him if Michael Sam is wrong, is Dwight Howard wrong? Dwight Howard is a week older than me. He's way taller, way richer, and way cornier, but that's all irrelevant. In the same time it took me to make enough money to get cheese on my whopper, Dwight has found the time to have 8 kids by 6 women. Read that back one time. Then read
Dwight Howard's Growing List of Baby Mamas. GREATNESS. I'm not here to throw rocks at the dude, but if the level of outrage toward fornication doesn't come anywhere near the level of outrage toward homosexuality, we're not only saying one sin is worse than another, but also sexual sins, between consenting adults, have varying levels of "evil" as it goes. Now, he didn't know about Dwight Howard's "Starting 5 with a 6th man" squad, because things like that aren't publicized. The same things that are vilified become publicized, because it puts eyes on the screen.
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| Artist rendering of Dwight Howard's family. |
Where things kind of hit a stopping point was where the spread of homosexuality came into play. I told him that one in ten people being gay, abomination or not, is not enough to destroy the institution of homosexuality. Then he used the dreaded "C" word. I'm not one to talk about cancer lightly, as it affects way too many people to joke about it. But if homosexuality was cancer, we'd have died out A LONG TIME AGO. Boys have been liking boy mouth, and girls girl mouth, for centuries. It can't all of a sudden ruin procreation. Why? Because numbers, that's why. I don't really see myself losing interest in women, because LOOK AT WOMEN. That appeal isn't all of a sudden going to go away because I see man x and man y out on a date. That's them. So things were said, nothing was really resolved, and we left out on good terms. We aren't enemies, just men at different points in life with different responsibilities. But, to be honest, your views on homosexuality may be long, drawn out, may inspire debate and discourse, but well... sometimes it's easier to say "gays give me the heebie jeebies" and be done with it. Honesty is usually respected, if not enjoyed.
