80s Reboot: Stop Shoving The Cube In My Chest!

With the upcoming summer blockbuster GI Joe we have another 80s cartoon hittting the silver screen. 80s kids are now all grown up and have the disposable income to support this non sense. Once Hollywood discovered the taste of the audience they have proceeded to shove trash after trash down their throats or cubes into their chest. Now all their valued childhood movies are leaving the pages of comics and T.V. shows and onto the big screen. Whoopty effin do! 

Now mind you some of these movies are good. But how hard is it to do a Michael Bay style movie? They have basially broken it down into a science. Entice viewers in with "emphathetic" and "charming" main characters that are living into oblivion until their moment of truth. Surround them with a cast of 'fun', 'dynamic' and stereotypical characters. Mix a universal 'love to be hated' villian with some witty one liners and throw in as much testocerone as possible. Explosions, guns, cars, car chases, and sex objects. The end result is HOPEFULLY your average summer blockbuster that is memorable but not TOO memorable. Meaning it hopes you will tell all your friends to watch and hopefully you come back and watch multiple times. And not too memorable in that you will realize that its the same movie you been watchin since Bad Boys(thank you Mr. Bay) The only thing better is watching Olivia Munn diving into some pie right?

GI Joe has a chance of being entertaining. But my early childhood is being neutered, butchered and raped with R. Kelly pissin on it!, I will not support GI Joe. With gaming surpassing movies Hollywood better find some new tricks if they wanna continue to be a dominant force in the entertainment industry. And if i see a damned reboot of Captain Planet somebody gotta burn! Who wants to see a teal skinned, green haired pedofile environmentalist driving around in a Prius in his underwear? Please Hollywood stop shoving the cube into my chest and give me a movie that captivates my imagination. Thats what attracted us to these cartoons/comics in the first place.