Let's Talk Wrestlemania 30 - Part 1

I've never been to New Orleans.  I've always hated to travel.  Why? Cuz traveling sucks.  New Orleans probably doesn't suck.  Ricky Williams played there.  Gumbo comes from there.  Gambit's from there.  Lil' Wayne used to be from there.  But finally (FINALLY) I'm traveling to New Orleans.  What's the occasion?  WRESTLEMANIA 30.  The showcase of the demigods (the only immortal I count there now is Undertaker - more on him later) and me and the other half's annual vacation.  This year, there are some really good matchups, and I want to take a bit of time to talk about what's been announced so far.

The "Andre the Giant" Memorial Battle Royal - cuz how else will JTG get his payday???  I'm fine with this, not hype, not de-hype, just fine.  With such a large talent roster, this is a clever way to get the most people on the card, while giving the "over the top rope match" a fresh feel, a new prize, and presumeable bragging rights for at the very least the next few months.  My pick - either Big E the social network GAWD or Antonio Cesaro, strongest man that looks like Jason Statham.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt - First of all, if you chant "Husky Harris" at this point, it's just because you're an asshole.  The IRS son with the IRS genetics is already a power player in the "E", with his great look, haunting promos and, well, his "The Army Tank with a Ferrari Engine" grace and fluidity.  He's one of the two new guys I have to watch every time he's on screen (Roman Reigns... Roman Reigns) and he already commands the attention of the crowd with every word.  He's the chief villain not in the main event picture right now, so naturally, he's facing John Cena.  John Cena.... boy... i'm not a fan.  His ring work is good, his matches, always good... but he's the corniest cornball of them all.  He's not funny, he's grating.  When he talks, he's either doing his pee wee herman thing, or his "down for my n*gg*s" thing, and on the odd occasion that he cuts a good serious promo, people give him some kind of pass for his next 4-5 months of cornballing it up.  The premise of the match is that Cena's a damn fraud.  Greatness.  But again, in the ring the guy's been money, so i expect this match to be really, really good.  My Pick - Cena, looking to bounce back from that injury that derailed his victory lap he started a year ago.

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker - Remember that time Brock was a young up and comer managed by Paul Heyman and Undertaker was wearing bandanas and calling himself "big evil"??? That was f***ing awesome! a decade later, one guy had his stomach blown the hell up in UFC and was brought back to kick ass and lay down, and the other performs once a year, on the year to great acclaim.  I still have flashbacks (and YouTube history) of 300 lb Lesnar performing shooting star presses. That ain't happenin at Mania. It's going to be two guys kicking the crap out of each other, that'll hopefully A) keep Brock Lesnar strong as a "special event" talent and B) keep Undertaker alive enough to compete at next year's Wrestlemania as a "special event talent".  I'm of the belief that Lesnar should have won EVERY MATCH since he came back two years ago if this was the endgame.  My pick - the guy who's won all his mania matches prior to this one.


I'll talk about the other match(es), and my undying love for a certain cerebral assassin,in part 2